Make Friends with Fear

Today I want to talk to you about fear. Fear is one of the most common reasons people don’t ever achieve their ideal life.

  • It’s why they don’t go after that promotion or start their own business.
  • It’s why they don’t invest in themselves or attempt new goals.
  • Most of us do not enjoy feeling fear and we try to avoid it at all costs.

Why do we settle for a life that isn’t truly what we want just because we’re scared?

If we take a step back and realize that fear is just an emotion, it can’t do anything to us. It will not cause us to die. It is simply a feeling. Then we can start to see that it doesn’t need to have so much control over us and our lives.

So many of us make huge, life-changing decisions based on trying to avoid fear. So therefore, we are allowing a feeling to block us from potentially dream-like results in our lives but we never venture on the other side of fear because we don’t like feeling that way.  This reminds me of a quote I read,

Everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear.
Make Friends With Fear | Emily Swanda www.emprovedlife.com

When I saw that my mind lit up and I was like, “yes!! That’s how I want to live my life….moving fear out of the way and seeing what I can reveal on the other side!”

This is obviously much easier said than done, which is what I want to walk you through in this post.

First, we’ve acknowledged that fear is not a comfortable emotion and we’d rather not experience it. Our brains are wired to believe that fear means danger, potentially death. Staying in our comfort zone where everything is safe and predictable is a much more safe place to be. Anytime we try to step outside of this comfort zone our brains try to keep us from going there.

As frustrating as this is, we couldn’t have evolved to this point if we never felt fear. Think about the fight or flight responses we have. If we never experienced fear, the human race would never have evolved. Fear is a tool that used to keep us safe and out of harm’s way. Today, in the safety of our homes and offices fear is just a feeling that gets in our way if we let it.

Second, we understand that the things we want are usually on the other side of fear. The promotion that we feel drawn to do. Becoming a parent. Investing in our education. Starting a business. Standing up for our beliefs regardless of what others think of us. Moving to a different state. Switching career paths.

I think it’s interesting that most of the experiences we have in life that we value the most required some type of discomfort in order to reach it. Feeling fear is uncomfortable, but that just makes getting to our goal that much more rewarding.

Next, we need to learn how to take action towards our goal even though we are feeling fear.This is the process I recommend:

  1. Acknowledge that you are feeling fear and don’t try to resist it. (that is a waste of energy) Say, “I am feeling fear and that's okay.”
  2. Ask yourself what thought you are thinking that is causing the fear (because our feelings are created by a thought we are thinking) Say, “I’m afraid I’m not smart enough to start my own business.”
  3. Ask yourself if that thought really needs to hold you back or if you can push past it? Say, “This thought doesn’t need to hold me back. I will learn everything I need to learn as I go. I am capable. I’m still afraid, but I’m going to go for it. I am worth it.”

Consider the fact that the worst thing that could happen if you take action in spite of feeling fear, is just a feeling. Have you ever thought about it this way before? It’s such an eye opening concept.

If I attempt to start a new business even though I’m afraid I don’t know enough and give it 110% of my effort and I still am not successful at this, the worst thing that could happen is a feeling I have about it.

Maybe I would feel disappointed, or frustrated, or sad. But I could also potentially feel proud that I attempted it, or well-rounded because of all my new experiences I had, or motivated to try something else.

The only difference between those 2 different sets of feelings would be the thoughts behind them. If I was focusing on the good that came out of the experience I would more likely feel the positive emotions. If I was focusing on the struggles that I had in the experience I would be more likely to feel the negative emotions.

I used to let fear keep me stuck for years. I always played it safe and tried to talk myself into being okay with my current state in life. Now I realize what a waste of energy it was to keep those feelings locked down deep and how I wish I had used that energy to work on my big dreams.

I think that the payment for reaching my big, scary goals is feeling discomfort. (which usually comes in the form of fear). I am willing to pay this price though because it is such a wise investment. The reason I know this is because I am investing in myself.

Even in the worst case scenario of me not reaching my goal, I still would’ve gained so much experience and lessons that I can take with me to my next goals.

Nothing we do for ourselves will ever be a waste of time. It makes us into who we are.

An exercise that you may find helpful is to write down every single fear you have. Then go back over your list and ask yourself if you can eliminate that fear from your life AND what would your life be like without that fear.

Can you see how your fears are tying you down and keeping you from reaching the next best version of yourself? It doesn’t have to be that way. Trust me, if I can figure out to break free from my fears and go for my dreams anyway, then you can too.

If you are interested in learning more about reaching your ideal life where fear no longer controls you, I’d love to have you join me in my 1:1 coaching program, “Your Limitless Life”. It is an 8 week 1:1 program where you and I work very closely together to help you design your blueprint for the life you truly want.

In this program you get:

  • 8 60 minute 1:1 coaching sessions with me
  • Unlimited email access to me
  • Weekly assignments for you to apply the lessons to your life
  • Support and encouragement from me
  • This program will help you:
  • Get clear on your current status in life
  • Decide what your ideal life looks like
  • Consider what needs to happen to bridge the gap between the two
  • Develop a plan to achieve your ideal life (including goal setting the most productive way)
  • Learn and incorporate a variety of tools that will help you in reaching your ideal life
  • Learn how to use your mind in the most efficient way to allow you to continue moving forward
  • Break bad habits and incorporate new habits
  • Gain the confidence to continue pursuing your ideal life even after the 8 weeks is over.

I am beyond excited about this newest program I created and would love to have you join me if this is something you think could help you. If you’re not sure if this program is for you or if you want to learn more, book a free mini-session with me here and we can talk. [EARLY BIRD PRICING EXPIRES ON THURSDAY AT MIDNIGHT]

Until next time, take care and start embracing fear and take it with you on your journey to new heights!

Cheers,

Emily

P.S. If you're not already a part of my Facebook community Empire of Moms, I'd love to have you join us there. I love to give more value on designing our productive and meaningful, limitless lives in FB live streams. Click here to join.