Victim Mentality. Do You Have It??

Today’s topic is all about the victim mentality; what it is, how it hurts our dreams and how we can keep ourselves out of this mindset.


First of all, I want to define what victim mentality is so we’re all on the same page.According to an online dictionary victim mentality is defined as, “ an acquired (learned) personality trait in which a person tends to regard themselves as a victim of the negative actions of others, and to behave as if this were the case even in the lack of clear evidence of such circumstances. Victim mentality depends on habitual thought processes and attribution.”


In other words, those who have a victim mentality tend to believe that they are at the mercy of their circumstances, they are powerless over the situation, and things have happened “to” them.


People who can relate to this victim mentality often feel frustrated and angry because everything in their life seems out of their control. If you live a life constantly reacting to situations in your life instead of forging ahead in spite of challenges, criticisms, difficulties, etc., then you can see how it would be very difficult to design your ideal life.


People who have the victim mentality complain or whine a lot because most things aren’t going their way. They often give excuses or justifications as to why something didn’t work out how they wanted or that someone did something that caused a problem for them. There’s a lot of blaming going on and they rarely take responsibility for their actions. They say things like, “Well, I could have done that if so-and-so would’ve helped me.” or “If someone had just told me I wouldn’t have wasted so much time.”


I do want to mention here that having the victim mentality is not a sign of weakness. It’s just a thought pattern that you’ve gotten used to thinking habitually. As the definition mentions, it is a learned personality trait. Since it’s a learned trait, the good news is that you can get out of this thought pattern with some practice and consistency.


The reason you probably want to get out of the victim mentality is because once you realize that you gain all your power back by not being a victim, you then have all the control of the situation.


You get to choose how you react, respond, and decide what action you will take. No one else needs to have any sway over your decisions. You can play an active role in your life instead of a passive role. You will feel less frustration and anger because you no longer feel like you’re just a pawn in your own life.


When you switch from thinking you are a powerless victim to thinking you are fully in control, you can then look for a solution to whatever problem you’re facing.


Here’s how to break free from victim mentality:

  • First, notice if you have these victim mentality thoughts that are mentioned above
  • When you notice that you are feeling controlled, limited or at the mercy of other people or the situation you’re in, ask yourself if that’s really the truth. Or are you allowing the challenges, obstacles or other people around you hold you back?
  • Ask yourself who/what you gave your power to and how you can gain back your power.
  • Look for all the situations in your life where you have power and control.
  • Look for all the situations in your life where you want to make improvements and see if you have let victim mentality stop you from pursuing these improvements. If so, take back your control and move ahead.
  • Be okay with taking risks and realize that if you fail you are learning what doesn’t work so you can then try something else that may work.
  • When something goes wrong, ask yourself, “how am I responsible for that? What should I do next time?”
  • Realize that it’s okay to make mistakes and make wrong choices. Own it, accept it and try again.
  • Keep a gratitude journal so you can see all the wonderful aspects of your life.


For those of us who are striving to reach our ideal lives, where our dreams are waiting for us, it’s super important to keep the right mindset. It’s natural for our minds to wander down the dark hole where fear, doubt and worry sets in but if we keep focused every day on what action steps we can take that will move us forward we will eventually get there.


Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.
— Arthur Ashe

If you want to learn more about victim mentality or want help getting yourself out of this mindset, I’d love to talk with you. I’m always willing to jump on a free mini-session with you to help with anything you need. Book your call here:


Cheers to your power!


P.S. My 8 week program, “Your Limitless Life”is currently open for enrollment.  We will work to make your dream life, your real life.  .

In this 8 week intensive program we will completely revamp your life so it’s bringing you everything you truly desire. No more letting fear and self doubt keep you from the life you want. No more settling or convincing yourself everything in your life is good enough. It’s time the world knew you at your fullest potential and it’s time for you to share your contribution to the world in the biggest way possible.

Everyone in your life will benefit from you living life on your terms. There is no time like the present to design your limitless life! 8 weeks from now you could be massive steps into designing the life that’s only existed in your dreams. Book your free mini-session with me here so we can talk more and make sure this program is the right fit for you. I can not wait to talk with you and start designing the life you deserve.